Judge Yourself Based On What You Can Control

Judge Yourself Based On What You Can Control, Not On What You Can’t Control

During a casual conversation over coffee, a close friend opened up to me about the stress she’s facing while searching for a new job. She has been unemployed for an extended period, a situation weighing heavily on her mind. Compounding her worries is the transition from office work to remote employment. The current market condition of online employment is stiff and competitive. Understandably, finding a job swiftly is a challenging task. She’s diligently applying to numerous positions daily, ensuring they align with her skillset, and maintaining a visible presence across various job platforms. 

While looking for a job, she’s also committed to self-improvement. She enrolled herself in online courses to enhance her skill set. Despite her proactive approach and relentless efforts, she’s encountered minimal prospects, leaving her feeling disheartened. I empathize deeply with her frustration, understanding the mounting pressure of unpaid bills and financial obligations during this challenging period. She’s grappling with feelings of inadequacy because she believes there aren’t sufficient opportunities available. The weight of anxiety is causing her to feel very close to experiencing depression. But it’s important to understand that these challenges are partly out of her hands. Even so, she’s working hard to improve things by learning new skills and trying her best to find opportunities.

From a philosophical perspective, it’s important to judge yourself/ourselves by what we can control, not by what we can’t.

In her situation, she controls how many and what kind of job applications she sends. She’s working hard and staying determined. She also decides which skills to learn, proving she’s committed to getting better. Plus, she’s proactive in building her network by reaching out to professionals for help, like on LinkedIn.

In this situation, her self-evaluation should only be based on the dedication and effort she has put in. She has fulfilled her responsibilities diligently. This highlights the importance of fully dedicating ourselves to our goals, as seen in my friend’s effort to find a new job. By giving our utmost in our endeavors, we ensure that when we evaluate ourselves we can confidently affirm that we have fulfilled our obligations. We’ve done our part, now it’s up to the people we’ve given our application to. They’ll take it from here and make the next decisions.

It’s crucial to recognize that not everything is within our control. Feeling downcast or blaming ourselves for not receiving a job offer or achieving a desired goal is not a productive approach. Life is unpredictable, and there are limits to what we can influence.

τὰ ἐφʹ ἡμῖν, τὰ οὐκ ἐφʹ ἡμῖν

The Ancient Stoic Phrase That Will Change Your Life (alyjuma.com)

In ancient Stoic philosophy, there’s a saying: “τὰ ἐφʹ ἡμῖν, τὰ οὐκ ἐφʹ ἡμῖν,” which means what’s up to us, what’s not up to us. We have control over our emotions, decisions, strategies, and desires. These are things within our power to influence. On the other hand, we can’t control what others think, including hiring managers or Human Resource departments.

We face a choice between focusing on what we can control and what we can’t. It’s clear which is more productive. By focusing on what we can control, we can progress, grow, learn, and achieve our goals.

Regarding my friend, I’ve heard that she’s still looking for a job, but she’s approaching it with a better outlook and has already aced two interviews. Focusing on what she can control has helped her concentrate on what truly matters. With improved self-esteem and a more optimistic demeanor, she presents herself much better in interviews and has the clarity of mind to employ better strategies overall. Drawing from her past job-hunting experiences, she’s building on her skills and knowledge, rather than letting temporary or expected obstacles dampen her mood and prospects.